Last night curled up in my little boys bed snuggling after a story about the moon and another about cars in the silence feeling him fall deeper asleep in my arms I started to cry. I have the annoying trait of being a happy crier. I literally can’t hold it in. If I’m overwhelmed with joy and gratitude the tears just start flowing. Sometimes I giggle at myself and shake my head and call myself silly for it but I have come to accept that sometimes feeling so happy is interlaced with some sort of sadness that the moment in its perfection is falling away. I haven’t learned at almost 35 years of age how to let go of that desire to freeze time. Freeze the perfection of beautiful palpable moments and I think that’s why photography has been such a perfect match for me.
I have been blessed to be told by clients that they literally cried when they saw the images I took for them and I instantly identify with that feeling. I’m not a fan of making people cry but causing happy tears may be my absolute favorite part of my job. Making someone stop going from point A to point B and focused on tasks to see how precious this time in there life is has been such a gift.
Its easy in the rush of a shoot to go into a zone of action. You get totally lost in the moment and that’s a wonderful feeling. Great shoots always start out with a plan but grow almost organically and its easy to remember why I am so blessed to be doing something I adore.
But its when I’m in those still moments of contemplation with no camera in sight that I appreciate what I do the most. In the midst of a kiss with my husband. It’s in the giggles while I chase my little guy in the hall way to home. Those are the moments when I know why I really chase after those illusive, beautiful, heart breaking and perfect moments and always will. Its just who I am. I’m a photographer with a photographers heart, even when there’s no camera in my hands.